Steve Sez

As the token nordy, I think it's only right to give a fair and unbiased rundown of everyone on the team.

• Eamon Cassells: Building on his experience from worlds, he's pushed himself to the limit in training and got himself in fantastic shape. Especially impressive when you consider how old he is.

• Dave Perry: Dude takes a shower in the morning before game time. There's something odd and unsettling about that.

• Alan Breathnach: Thinks he's all that with his ninja slippers. Had to hide a sly smile when he put a hole in them.

• Tom O'Hora: He's always wearing his Antrim top and I'm pretty sure I heard him say, "Ulster is truly the greatest province."

• Colm Bowden: Is an annoyingly handsome man. That's why I hate him.

• Kevin Timoney: I thought Chris Linter could sleep for Ireland but Kev has taken nap time to another level. Expect an extensive album of 'Photos of Kev Sleeping' from ECBU.

• Eoghan Staunton: Not only will he throw you scoring passes, but he makes you look tall whilst doing it.

• Spot McCarthy: I think he was the one who dropped my flapjacks in the sand. Even if he didn't, I've still got my eye on him.

• Gearoid O'Fearghail: A fellow engineer who not only appreciates all the fine detail of how something works but also loves sharing that information with humanities graduates who aren't interested. What a guy!

• James Darcy: Had some blinding grabs at Yes But Nau. Seemed to enjoy shoving his grapes in people's mouths way too much though.

• Alan Phierce: Clearly needs to get some more milk in his diet. Seriously though, really hoping to see him back to fitness and pick up another lay-out D in Spain.

• Martin 'Juno' Kelly: Juno has been really quiet so far. Hoping he opens up and tells us a bit about himself at ECBU